The Pay Back.com - Advice Column

Did you know that you can write off most strip clubs when traveling on company business?

Most of these "clubs" have different, non-incriminating names that appear on the charge card. Most companies will never catch it!

Two tips though: Make sure the place you go to serves food, and always check if they do have a different name before you get charge happy!

They call a successful entrepreneur a "genius." Yet someone who can lay on the couch all day, better than all others is "lazy."

The moral of the story is: if you're exceptionally good at relaxing, you're screwed.

Right now, you probably have lots of gifts you'd love to return. Avoid the mall and simply give your "rejected gift" to the person you forgot! Problem solved.

(This is great for girlfriends/boyfriends you dumped to avoid the expense X-mas brings)

Want to know how to not get caught drunk or "under the influence" of anything at work?

Hey all you bachelors out there: Remember, NEVER have kids for at least three years into the marriage.

If you get your wife pregnant too soon you will greatly decrease the amount of sex you have-- unless you have a mistress.

If you work in an office setting, it is always best to have a spreadsheet open at all times-- especially when you are surfing the web. This way, you can quickly click over to the spreadsheet if you hear the boss coming. You will always look productive.

This one simple tip could be the difference between a promotion and a swift exit.

Here's one based on real life experience: When seeing your "ex" for the first time in a long while, it is best to not have drank a pint of Appleton Rum, a 40oz of Lite Ice, and a 22oz of Ice House. . . Just trust me on this one.

If your children start complaining about too many things, or even worse, start taking everything for granted, here's what you do:

Take their beds away. After about one or two weeks of sleeping on the floor, they will have a whole new respect for the little things.

This is for the office men and women of the world-- Sexual Harassment at the office is never OK. . .or is it?? Our policy is as follows: It is only sexual harassment if the wrong person hears it. The key is finding out who the wrong people are. A general rule is: if they make lewd comments around you, they are probably not the wrong people. If you just can't wait for them to make the first move, then you must bate them in with comment that require a lewd response but cannot get you in a fu*ked up situation.

People say "if" too damn much. You know, "Things would be different if she wasn't a lesbian. . ." Or "I'd still have a job if I wasn't an alcoholic. . ." The truth is: If "if" was a fifth, we'd all be drunk!

Here's a tip if your children are always misbehaving: Promise them a trip to Disney Land if they'll act good. NEVER TAKE THEM, but always mention "the trip" whenever they get out of line. It should keep 'em well behaved for about six months. Some have had success with this technique for over a year.

(if you don't have kids, do this to your nephews, nieces, younger siblings, etc.)

FIRST get her to love you, THEN tell her that you're on welfare and live with your parents!

Remember, all the emails you send or receive from your work email address can be looked at by your boss at any time.

Therefore, thou shalt use discretion when emailing us about an "annoying co-worker" or "mean boss" from work!

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